Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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