I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
