Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
