You just made me feel so damn special
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
