and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
