so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
