woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
