i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
And then he peed in my hair
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
