He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
