What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
