Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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