tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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