i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
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