i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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