He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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