he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
