I'm really into asian looking animals
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
