I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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