I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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