And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
