you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
