I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
