the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
