I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He's a Shit stain on my heart
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
