similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
