And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
