I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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