i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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