The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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