There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
