Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
