you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
me + whiskey = a bad person
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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