Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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