You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
