You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
