I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
