i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
