Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
