I met the friendliest cop last night
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
