What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
