dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
