i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
