She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
