Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
