dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I've blown a few things in my day
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
