i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Your penis caused this!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
