I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
