Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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