I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
