Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
