Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
it's like iHOP with fire
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
