Got a toothbrush?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
