My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
