whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
is wine microwaveable?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
