so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
