Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
