did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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