Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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